How to know the one you married is God given?

So, how do you know your partner is God given? By counting both of your birth dates, pray at temples or check astronomy if you are non christian? if you are christian, how do you know you listen correctly to what God say about your partner?  

One of the marriage counselor/ pastor say that it is up to you to count your birth dates or any other methods. But it is dangerous, if the result of counting is bad, then when your marriage have problem, u will just use that as an excuse to communicate and also change yourself. You wont want to grow and learn in the marriage, you keep remembering the result and blame it. You will also keep spending money but wont sit down and look at the real problem.  

Furthermore, he mention this belief especially common for chinese, which is to think that we owe each other from last life, that’s why we are paying back this life. This belief applies to their children as well as spouses. With this mentality, it is not helpful for relationship, you will just settle like that and won’t work on it further.  This will affect the way you look at your family, it will be different if u look at your children like the bible mentioned, a  blessing instead of a form of owing from last life.

The host asked about what the pastor thinks of divorce if the marriage really face problem. The pastor the answer by making an illustration, for those who have children, your children is always yours, neither you nor your children have a choice about it, you are always related. It is the same with marriage and only by looking at it this way you are willing to work on it. There is no need to be too particular on sign from God, its good to have but more importantly is, once u choose, there is no such thing as wrong bone (Adam and Eve), it’s yours already. Divorce is a choice, but it is a form of running away instead of courageously working on it. Even if you divorce, its no point, your next marriage will have the same problem as you still bring the baggage along.   

The pastor wife also pointed out that couple should do a pre marriage guide. it is a realistic way to point out expectation on marriage from both and the differences of both. With the guide, couples are able to discuss issues about finance, life after marriage and others issue related. This will further help them to understand each other in marriage and work on it.     

Good TV channel

Been really inspired by this particular channel and their talk show topics.. hope you all will check it out and watch it.. i hereby trying to write out some main points from two talk show topics from this channel.. hopefully i will keep up the consistency of translating the talk show (especially the main points and important wisdom) so that more people can understand it as it is in chinese..

FIY, its a talk show hosted by a married couple, check out the FB link for more details =)

http://www.facebook.com/happinesscoming?sk=info

Topic is about how nowadays young ppl look at sex love and marriage. The discussion here involved on the effectiveness on sex education in school plus sex information (including porn) availability in society today and the consequences. There are other discussion including the effects of sex before marriage, parents role on educating children about sex and can sex be 

separated with love. 

They invited two expert and four UNI students as guests to discuss about this topic.

Some of the good insight from the lady expert will be  :

• one, the only fuction of sex on a biology side is only one, to give life, it is to create life in a loving relationship. So in looking at young ppl and sex,she will lead them to base on physical and heart maturity (most of the time your physical matured first before your heart, you have to let both gain same level then only you are ready for the responsibility of sex)
• 
  
  Since she is familiar with how children function, 
  • lead them to monitor their parent relationship (how intimate are they and how they solve conflicts),so when they grow up, they will envision how they want their future family to be, what environment they want their children to live in. With this long term thinking build, they will keep themselves pure so that they will be able to let their children grow up in a clean, loving and committed family. Children are affected by family environment and sowing the seeds of right and long term thinking start young (especially when it will bring impact to their future life). With this long term thinking, when the children reach puberty, they will then have good judgement even when material such as porn came, they can handle it correctly. You cant stop all d materials
    • but let them be educated to have a clear idea about what sex leads to.

If your kids have good judgement ability, then they can conquer their own behavior or feelings. She say this concept she also teaches her own daughter when she is 12 years old. One day the grandpa came to visit and went to fetch her, he is happy to fetch the granddaughter and want to hold her hand, but she is embarrassed in front of friends.

• When the mum (lady expert) heard from her dad  about it, she have a talk wit her daughter at night. She started saying that she understand her daughter embarrassment, and she added that  wen the daughter grow older, if the parent go n hold her hand she will also be embarrassed. But grandpa just came for visit and very happy to fetch her, so if she can understand grandpa feeling and conquer the embarrassed feeling, you are a winner. She added that its the same to apply with sex, when you see people or friends watching porn or simply having sex, its fun and popular, but if u can conquer the need to be the same with others, u are a conqueror.
  
  
  • She reminded that don't think its so easy to separate love and sex. For example in cohabitation or premarital sex, once you have sex,its hard to break it off, the entanglement is done. this is because when you have sex, there are certain feelings involved but no promise, most of the time will cost hurts. 
    • 
      

      
      

      Parents must be able to talk to kids about sex, if not children will be misguided by other information. She further shared that this parent
      

      • found son having porn magazines inn drawer. The mum was shocked and asked her what to do. She ask the mum to put the magazines back. She say kids at times feel weird to talk to parent about it. Its also wrong to invade the children privacy. So trust must be build by since young, by talking about sex issue with kids
      • so they will build immunity on it and able to talk to you about it. 
        
        
        • She continue to say that her own daughter is also  of puberty age. She will tell her saving sex for marriage is to protect your body and future. If  sex without commitment, you might lost the chance to pick a good mate and gain a long lasting relationship. With this way, kids will be able to think what is best for future. By just threatening, kids will not really understand and if they witness other people do it but nothing happen to them like what the parent may threaten, they will just do it. 
          
          
          She shared that this author saw his mum have sex with neighbor when he walk back from school last time. Even after 40 plus years,he still remember and when he write some poem, its haunting him
          • She say at that time, his mum never know this will happen, never consider that her son may witness. If u think of giving ur children a good family, you and your spouse will have this relationship of intimacy, sex and love. she say the height of in love feelings may fade, but the feelings of going through life together will be stronger. For all this to happen, you wont just think of fun at the moment. Young people often think that sex is fun and their right. 
            
            
             if you have light at your eyes, darkness will not blind u so easily.    
          
          
  
  
  Insight from the man expert in show :
  • 
    
    He shared that teacher sometimes also nt well educated about sex topics. They weren't educated much last time about it and in d teaching manual not much are provided. Teachers can't really discuss from own experience. The culture here are more conservative.
    
    
    • He also shared dat teenager esp r still young inside despite their body
    • den say, they ought to consider r they able to take the responsibility after sex, like driving too. He receive tis letter before he suppose to present a speech from this uni girl who need help. She naive and was from a village before she went to study. She met a boyfriend and he is working at 7-11, everytime work untill 11pm and then buy supper and go to her room. He always ask her for sex. Earlier, the uni girl mum told her only to have sex after marrying, and she agree too. But its  hard for her to say no for so many times, so she gave in to her boyfriend. In half a year, she went to abortion for two times.
      
      
      • The host of show then added that its  about respect, that the boyfriend should practice respect to the girlfriend.
    
    
    • He continue sharing that he and his wife do keep educating d daughter about sex eventough she is still young. one day, his wife ask the daughter what kind of guy she want to marry next time, she answer like dad. He say he is proud and happy to hear that. When he go for talk, a lot or most youngster do not want to be like their parents. Now, the relationship is very messy, divorce hurts children. They see bad models and that commitment can be easily broken. It will in turn affects their whole life too. He and his wife try to model a healthy relationship to their children and it have to be in whole package. He can't say he love his wife but have sex with other lady, it will hurts his family if he do so. Sex is not just yourself so easy,it will bound others too. 
    
    
    
    
    Sharing from students in show
    
    
    They hope dat last time in secondary school d teacher can teach them properly about sex and guy girl relationship..and also combine love and sex
    
    
    • One Uni student shared that she did this assignment on family and sex. She conducted a survey, and found out that most people think that sex with condom then its alright and safe. But after much research, she found out that none of contraceptive work are safe enough to prevent from pregnancy and sex related disease. When she present to her UNI classmates, they were shocked to find out about that information. She hope that they can be educated more about it. When u know that contraceptive methods are not that safe, u will definitely think twice before you want to simply have sex.