waiting

i dunno y but i love this image or bumper sticker form facebook hehe..

thr is beauty in waiting... n even more worth if u wait for the right one... the God ordained Heroic love... thr is pain and loneliness in waiting..but love is not self seeking, meaning for me, it does nt seek to satisy ur loneliness...God will send ur hero wen u r satisfy in HIM n seek HIM first, for it is at dat time u r capable of loving the other one or others ppl... wen u r full of luv, den only u can flow ur love...


i noe i noe it is painful, but a sacrificial love is the most high love, it does not only apply on Jesus but on us too... mayb u say i get tis from a movie n all.. but yea, wat i wan to say is dat, if u love a person, surrender the person to God, let the person free to soar...surrender the person to God, bcoz u noe, it is the safest place he or she can be... u noe love hurts alot of time.. sometimes, owning the person bfore the rite timing or wen God din say yes can be hurting the person, u n God... u protect the person by surrending him or her in a save hands like God.. u will hurt the person wen u r nt ready to be committed in a relationship, u holds a lot of emotional bagage n etc..den it will b best to wait on God to deal with urself, as i mention in another post dat love is nt self seeking (nt to satisfy ur loneliness n nt to ease ur emotional bagage). relationship is nt about two ppl, it involve God n even ur family n frens...thr is a certain responsiblity involved....sometimes, fairy tales doesnt end with the prince or princess together happily but rather letting him or her free to chase his or her dreams and happiness...wen u r able to let go a person, den u r able to embrace and understand true love..God let us do our choice too, HE nvr force us to be own by HIM but rather HE let us love n run to HIM by sacrificing HIS son.. also, a mother, who at the end will have to accept the fact she raise her children in order to free them as a capable adult...she sacrifice for her children in order to set them free, chasing their own dreams n happiness, no price could ne paid..dat is love....

in a movie- thr is a part- whr the heroin pray..she mention about diff kind of love dat exsist, a love ever strong yet not voice outvand the tenderness expressed in a stuborn way, keep flowing in the heart, a father love towards the son.. another kind of love, a love that is mystic, the giver give out of control and it comes in a mysterious way, the gentleness is subtle, whr the lover's ex girlfren who patiently wait for him to wake up n take care of him.. another love is the deep sacrifice love, a love that is without shape n in the air..a love that is hope and the cut is made because it is necessary, she have to let the lover free and the cut is made out of a unwillingness to break apart but it is made at the boldness of love.because the lover n the gal love is too deep, the gal make a choice to let go in order to give the lover a better live..she wan the lover to have all her blessing n live with happiness..she wan him to have a full life n dun want to hurt him anymore...(the lover met an accident in order to raise the money they need to build the dream she have)

realization

i realized something thesedays:
i noe i m imperfect n a failure, full of mistake, but once i m child of God, i have to be someone else, because becoming Christian is to die n live again. wen u die, ur new self rise, u r a new being d, a whole new person.. so, nw i have to declare to the cycle of mistake n failure dat it no longer have a bondage over me.. God the ever perfect Father created me with His hand, hw could i be imperfect if i am created in HIS image n likeness? God want to restore me to be the perfect being HE created me..well, even then, i m nt saying dat once i m child of God n declare tis, i can b perfect instancely.. i m simply a fallen human, imperfect, with failures n hurts, slowly letting the Potter hands restoring me to what it is intended to be, the holy spirit control n change me day by day... I m imperfect but HIS perfect LOVE catch me with my flaws. time after time, yes i cry after failures n failures n simply conclude dat i m a failure..but i learned from it n the experience helps me to rely on God.. most of time, the failure is a cycle of past hurts which only God can restore as I release to HIM.

i noe ppl dat is without mistake n can't stand mistake..think about it, it is a mistake wen adam n eve sins.. dats y we strive to make it up by achieving tis n dat n live flawlessly... those mistakes also help me to understand ppl with mistake n hw to fix it or rather hw to deal with the consequences.wat u have go through will grant u the understanding n compassion over ppl who fails in the past..u also learn from past experience n not to repeat it.. its all part of growing up..even albert einstein said, all those failures is nt really failures, he just discover what can't be used for his light.

in the end, yes, i apologise for doing so many mistake..especially over all the trouble cause....

the Perfect LOVE

i m going to reveal something mushy gushy haha....

yeah, i m talking about love...thr are different kind of love ...

i for once pray for a Hero to show up, a light shining armor to swept my feet away.. a hero dat will protect me, love me, believe in my value, accept me for who I am n gently lead me to another level (spiritual)with his heroic or poetic love..he noes i m imperfect but all the imperfect can be conquer with a perfect love... a hero is someone who is willing to fight for me, but dun mistaken it to jealousy of human but rather the fight is to restore back what is sarced to me or what is meaningful to me..for example, he will fight for me (support n pray for me, wen attack from the enemy come, he will take his sword at the right time) wen he noes dat it has been my dream to preach the gospel...a hero also have to be gentleman but dats alone is nt enough, being a gentleman is nt an act but because of courtesy n love (he does not help u to open door becoz u can't do it and let him feel superior bcoz he can do things for u but rather becoz he want to help u in a sincere heart..at the same time of helping, he trust u can do it, so at times, he just beside u, supporting u and give u the support wen u need it. most importantly,a hero will be secure in God love and secure in his position as God child n warrior. a hero is someone strong yet gentle (made in the image of God)...a hero is someone u could c a future in him... a hero dat is gifted from God to u(gals), is someone dat will seek God (the highest force) wen u do and wash ur ears with God words..also, wen u r undergoing a change in ur walk with God (say a deeper level of intimacy with God or a diff season) he will be supportive n protect u, even wen the season is nt easy..he do nt need to say anything but rather hold ur hand n just let his presence hear by u, or pray and cry with u.. a hand dat catch u wen u fall...thr is more..but it is enough for nw...

i was asked one question before, ppl always change, one day, will u wake up n find dat ur love towards the person change especially as u grow older... i just realized one thing, if it is God ordained love, the perfect love will withhold both of them n best of all, God will work with both of them on a level whr one change, one will change to understand wat is going on..it is important dat both of them seek God, therefore able to communicate as they are tie by God together, the changes (eg, diff seasons) will be dealt at a understanding heart-for God will reveal to the another person what u r going through, if both of u r close to each other hearts, put each other in prayer, God for sure will reveal or help u to interceed for each other..God will also allow both of u to go through same spiritual growth as both of u seek HIM together, allowing the understanding of hearts happen... then, the love will not die but grow as the two are able to communicate in the truth of love n have the same spiritual maturity as they seek HIM together.


p.s. yes, i have high expectation for the 'hero' becoz my Father in heaven says i m worth it, same goes with all gals...i noe dat sometime i act strong and thr is no need for a hero..but looks can be deceiving haha..so i still need guys to help me to carry things lol, and lesson number one, wen a gal say no, it means yes, i noe its confusing guys, but too bad..it just gurls haha...they are shy wahahahahah

thoughts.....

just a random post...wahaha.. after finishing my semester n finally tasting freedom ..wohoo..abit not use to b free..haha...but of course it is gud to rest

so ya..the thoughts that are lingering are once again, i find it true that things or ppl come to u when u least think about it...God love to suprise u wen u are nt aware..dats the elements of suprise.. not just with God..even facebooks haha..wen i want ppl to let say send me a drink on the top firends, i try so hard n send it to them haha...but wen i lazy d, i dun care d..all of sudden the drinks flooded in..hmmm..quite a thoughts haha

anyway...i was reading lotsa novel n books nwadays..haha..become bookworm n loving it..i just so happen to read stuff dat i wrote about my journey with God, my dear Father..was really touching n faith just come in..realizing all that i have been through with HIM..hw much His love is for me...I noe I m imperfect but I have the perfect love...

lotsa thoughts are lingering in my head nwadays, especially wen i m quiet...so wen u c my blank n blur face...u noe la..haha...and no, i m not becoming emo... i m simply recollecting thoughts n in needs to use my brains, as God given me lol.. i wasted years not thinking as a notion of my personality n try to change nw.. to b a person dat will use her mind...most importantly, thoughts does come from God and of course urself n the loser devil too.. so yea, thrfore thoughts play a blig role...it crucial u reflect wat come to ur mind or heart, give God the captives of ur thoughts...

time flies....whoosh

yeap...time really fly..faster than an airplane sometimes...without me realizing..i m turning 20 years old this year...and well, i feel old haha...believe me...but one thing, never in any year I look forward for the years to past and to let God unleashed His perfect plan in my life... Its the third year of me in the journey with God, and only one word I can utter, Wow.. and then start starring at the sky and become emo..lol..it just so many thoughts will come to me when I reflect this 3 year journey, and it have been amazing, with joy and tears of course.

Gratitude linger my thoughts, realizing how much i live on other people helps, support and fellowship..at times, how I wish I could be the one that offer helps and support...ah, the desire to grow up and capable come to me again, but this time, taken care by HIM..what can I say beside silently thanking them and trying to show enough gratitude to ppl who have stick by me all this time...my church who just came into the picture of my life have been supporting me like a family and how grateful am I for it.. the Bread (words of God), Water (Spirit) and fellwoship provided by the church has truly been a blessing...

sadly, people come, people leave..memories is the one stay forever...I learn to accept this and cherish the connection while I can...sry la..if u guys think my birthday thoughts are sad and serious, just as anna commended...haha..another gal which I cherish alot and leaving to overseas...yeap, the pain of loss will come soon after she leave, just like the time mun yee leave.. no, I am not starting to become a sad person even as I start to be aware that the world is a place of hurts but then I will look up n smile, for thr is a FORCE bigger than the hurts...i m also suprise by the FORCE, the way HE heal me in issue I never thought exist...the joy which is the strength from HIM...

as times alwiz allow changes to happen..i am starting to miss gud time that i have with ppl n begin to form memories, a sign of growing old as only ppl with handful of memory can do dat...honestly, i miss the time when me, aaron n dan is on holidays, coz we practically hang out the whole day bfore prayer meet n all... now, we r bz with our degree n all..rarely have time for us to hang out n talk (sometimes serious stuff like God, CF, ppl n life, sometimes just crap like games, anime n jokes, lol..fine, its not crap but guys talk)..the two fella is 2 bro in Christ dat i wouldnt trade with anything...i thx God for the friendship form between us, who say gurl n guy cannot have pure friendship? i m close to them, thx to CF, maybe thats keep us together as frens...another precious memory is the bedroom talk n time in anna house... I put the memory close to my heart, a time of bounding with girl..another deep desire of mine, which is to have a God given sisterhood..I at time also vividly remember the time spend with mun yee and joram...a time which will alwiz be a part of me no matter how long. I praise God that HE connect me with this sis in Christ, mun yee and knowing that we will stick together in life, for we have been through tears n joy together..haha, i can't forget the time when we cry together n even fight against each other, yet we made it up with God help...the memory is so fresh, like a still hot just printed paper by photocopy machine.. For joram loo, i thx u for teaching me n believing in me....

Realizing alot of things and continuing to do so..as my Prince continue to pour into my cup...I will drink and drink till I m full...more to come....till next time....