The beauty path

All this time, i admit that i did not let people truly know me yet i crave to formed a deep meaningful relationship .i am also stuck in past friendship.i also doubt myself alot and only finding worth in what i do instead of who i am. i am not satisfied for the current state i am in, lost in finding motivation or passion in lifei am easily affected by things as well, having being vulnerable yet going by my own strength. 
One thing is, amazing things happened when you trust God and be still. when you realized it is ok to be vulnerable and let God dwell in your heart by making a commitment to be reminded to live in HIS victory. Let HIS joy be your strength and not let circumstances dictate your mind.. Father, may you plant Your dream and will into my heart. May i bring Your beauty (not my vainess) to the world. Guide me so that i don't continue to blur the line between enjoying dressing up yet with substance and plain self love.I pray that i will continue to enjoy YOUR presence. 


Blessed are You oh Lord!  Psalm 139:14I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)


One thing, have you felt:

Not enough? 
too much ?
not pretty enough? 
too much make up?
not secure?
 too vain?
 or that beauty is dangerous?
not good enough in things/intimidated ?
or strive too hard in order to feel beautiful?

I have watched and subscribed to numerous beauty gurus.followed tons of beauty blogs.
I have also used instagram and took lotsa pics,spending hours to dressed up and make up,used pose application, followed beauty group,tried hard to do whatever it takes to feel beautiful. 
Oh dear, what else more with the endless effort to cling on 'beauty'?   
What am i filling myself with? 

Somehow watching youtube on beauty related topic throw me down to a time where i feel intimidated or worst repulsed by my physical appearance. Most of the time, i find myself either overwhelmed/jealous with the beauty of the ladies and all the regimen they follow. Somehow i came to a point to mentally agreeing that without make up i am ugly. Recently, somehow when the night came upon, i can't stop thinking about why would anyone like or love a person like me. from the way i look to everything else about me.  

Lord have mercy on me! By God grace, He slowly pick me up from where i fall. He still is
Praise God
The journey goes on