birthday post (thxgiving and emoness haha)

yup, my 21st birthday is coming soon in 2 days.. n i adi receive some presents.. thanks ppl! the rest of the presents i adi noe the content, yes, i do noe..haha.. and some human complain i will have alot celebration lol.. they r just jealous dat i m loved by lots, thr u go hahaha (smilling with pride).. (this is for chaco and dan sim) anyway, u noe wat, the greatest gifts i will get is mun yee coming bck soon d and michelle goh may go bali with my family and i may go phuket with her and her family.. and i missed anna .. the sleeping partner who go through shops and search for my present and wishing me so early in her blog.. and the 'best' part is, she won't b coming bck in christmas..

fiy, and my life is very interesting recently.. i can't begin to describe how interesting it can be..

warning, contains emo writing that may be hazardous to health.. read it if u don't mind. be careful
let me get this straight, i am afraid to get to 21st.. thinking about it make me emo.. i just wan to run away on my birthday to somewhr.. the question in my mind, is hw much have i accomplish? all my dreams and hope, did i take the risk to accomplish anything? when will i finally drive properly like an adult? am i matured or fit to be 21? i said i vow not to regret anything that happened because i learn from it.. so, did i ponder and learn enuff? i have so many dreams and hope, when will the time come for them to come true? of course i am glad to know that my identity is not based on my dreams and hope.. most importantly, do i know God enuff? this term or year, is very interesting, God have surfaced so many of my issue, and nw i am asking, wat is next? is thr more healing or am i suppose to wait on HIM? i guess both, and hw? esp when listening to beth moore, believing God, it challenge me so much.. it convict me last sun .. what do i fear most? even as praying, my eyes are red, that i used to belive that i am uncapable, failure.. and lonely... mayb nw i still hold dat lies.. dats y i wanna run away on my birthday and just go to beach or travel (i wan to travel but thr is no chance yet, alwiz think i can't take care of myself and of course finance) .. so many times, i try to prove myself to be trustworthy and respectable, but failed to fullfill by it.. and den, as bth moore say, the enemy confirm u by saying, c, u r not worthy and nt capable, u have failed.. btw, as PS. Serena encourage us, it just stirred me again, dat we must find around 3 days alone with God.. jason mae did it and finished the bible.. nw i m praying for a time with HIM..



p.s opps, this is a really emo post.. told u its hazardous and b careful lol..
and i found out, mich and chaco also ask the same question i do..lol.. guess we all are bund to the same social expectation and structure.. honestly, i hate it
clinging on to the HOPE that bring life to my heart again and again

sex sells and the reality of globalisation

yup, sex sells.. that is what my tv and video culture lecturer said the first time he lectured us.. it just bang me so hard.. i m actually wondering did i choose the right course? and i know most of the hollywood movies, nwadays such as don't mess with Zohan, knocked up, good luck chuck, sex in the city, gossip girl.. yes, i do watch them (call me hypocyrite) but don't worry, i watch it in protection of my mind and fully understand the degrading part of it.. the extreme emptiness and nausea will fill me when watching this type of show.. please, sex is something personal and intimate, leave it to the bedroom only... don't need to show it on the screen, good enough internet and pirated stuff is full fo porn.. all these are blooming to a industry definately. its perverted and sad.. corrupting minds and sow seeds of lie into minds.. its like human r only created for the pleasure of sex a.k.a love machine.. come on, we r worth more den dat.. n the worse part is in movie, love happen so fast, like in a few days, n they will have sex, n tada, the new generation instant noodle type of love... aside from prostitution (ur bodies get money out of the service from it), this is another form of degrading.. oh and not forgetting, those girls in car magazine or some car show etc.. its ewwww, what are they posing thr, if u wanna buy or view car, y do u need a girl to stand thr n pose.. a machine to persuade u to buy the car.. or a package dat come together for the pleasure of eyes.. yea, such attraction of a pretty face n sexy body

in my personal opinion, sex is the highest intimacy with a person u can enjoy.. nw, let dat sink in, its a commitment too as intimacy required dat.. like love,it's not suppose to come easy. the word love and sex come with responsibility and commitment, emphasize once again.. (u can nod ur head and oooooo dats y xiying nvr get commited in it)

love love love.. u won't even wan me to start.. its just pathetic.. a loneliness get away.. all those bull shit (pardon my language) for eg, because u appear in my life, i am whole and satisfied, u r the cure to my loneliness.. plz la, it nvr work dat way.. i nvr ever find true wholeness and satisfaction in guys, they r nvr cure to my fallen and broken heart.. in fact, the more u crave for them to b the cure to ur lonelines, the more u need it, like u dig the hole n fall inside, digging more..n its harder to come out once u fall (hallujah, Jesus crucified to b the Hero to pull u out of dat pitt of love or sex addiction) ..so my principle, nvr ever get in a relationship out of loneliness and check if u r ready for it.. n one lesson from a big 'bro' , if u r happy single, den u r ready.. n certain touching can definately arrouse emotion (we are programmmed in our DNA to enjoy dat). finally like what jason mae journal mentioned, in his fren teaching.. it is good to out in alliance our emotion with God leading..we are emotion being and its beautiful but we must keep check of it..i may sound like 'preachng' but its my own experience of defeat to emotion and the continous victory of Jesus.. psst, even as i type this, i am weeping of my pitfall of emotion..along with the very lie i believe which is using my own strength to guard my vulnerable or insecure heart instead of trusting God to guard it(this is from debbie blog, an old fren from a few years back combined church camp.. i am like whoa, dat hit me literally, i did dat too as the realization come)

marriage nwadays is another issue, the dissatifaction out of it, divorce and abuse..the children who have to face the harsh effect of divorce, and the etc effect after they grow up..


and this fren, wrote "who can sit still watching as the world degrades everything that God gives to us. We degrade sex (into an industry), marriage (into a hindrance and legal leeway(sp?)), love (into something only people who visit whore houses are led to believe), bodies (into machines of forceful attraction) and so on. "
i totally agree and inspired by it..




globalisation is another issue dear to my heart.. it is one of my subject.. my lecturer let us watch a video regarding globalisation.. one video that stirred me up is the secret filming of companies such as GAP, NIKE, REABOK, MacDonald and more western corporations.. the workers of the corporations were mostly from cambodia and indonesia, so when film, the workers were interviewed and their lifestyle are documented.. its just sad when u know that the ethics for labour from the countries are not make known to them, they are free to be exploited as the government can't do anything about it, due to the system.. the labour work, 36 hours, standing and only receive minimum wages.. they barely survive.. and they get poorer by each day.. n the best part is, unisonly people like us belive thr is ntg much to be done, we can't are much about it because it is everywhere.. u have to learn to live with it.. i noe its ridiculous, but if God lead, i may go for mission, since God have planted seed of compassion into my heart for ppl who suffer unjustice.. so again u can't help but weep wen u c the condition esp if u wake up feeling like a 'princess' and nw u realise ppl wake up feeling unworthy, exhausted and hopeless, n wat a 'big' fren said come to me, we r very pampered generation..i noe i noe, i m melancholy lol..








just a ranting from me.. signing out ppl..


luv... xy





p.s visit http://jaesonma.com/2008/10/call-response.html

this call + response is a documentary film, made timely to fight human slavery: sex slavery, labor slavery, child soldiers and child slavery.. even as i talk about gobalisation, God guide me the way to pray for the spiritual realm to move and freedom to come.. we are not fighting the corporation, but the stronghold on the slavery.. n nw, even as jason mae blog came out with this, let us try to take action and be aware of the issues...www.callandresponse.com .. this film is launching nationally on 10th of oct.. plz support

for updating purpose

from the title it sound lame lol.. i mean like hw many times i use similar title before..

anyway, i know my hiatus have been long .. but then, haha, i just don't find the need to blog.. hmm..
life have been life.. pretty interesting.. n alwiz fail to actually study.. sadness..

have a blast in my recent hari raya, with tea party and BBQ.. pics in facebook .. =) even the tea party and bbq have been a veri personal and interesting testimony to me (if u r really interested to know, dial my number =) ).. n it have sure bring blessing to me and hopefully others.. i can only say i am once again surprise and humbled by God way of moving even through this party..
n i nvr in my life i have tea party lol
and thx for the wong kok lunch too.. and thx for a bracelet with my name and the lovely card =) i am blessed early along with others.. but, i am still waiting for the real date of my birthday hint hint..

errrr, here come the 'melancholy me', if given a choice, i wanna go to beach, all alone, with no connection and just spend time with God.. and after the ministering of the holy spirit seminar in my church, PS. Serena reminded dat it is essential to spend 2 or 3 days completely alone with God.. dat stirred me up.. a new desire to just back pack and travel alone with only God is my desire, and if God wan it, HE will grant me the opportunity.. fiy, mich adi got me travelling Christian book lol thxkie..
oh ya, the seminar is another cool part and pieces of my journey.. learning to just trust in God even as the insecurity and intimidation surface while training to prophesies.. the fears of past mistake due to immaturity of prophesying resurface, but as i choose to persevere instead of following my feeling to run away, God honor me by giving me victory over it.. and of cos, the loving and encouraging environment condition is really a blessing.. and what i have receive from God is truly a blessing... i can't forget when aunty christine cried when aunty sue and me share about the baby in her stomach.. and God show her through us how much HE know the baby.. for me, showing me the gender (they noe its a gal but i dun, till God show me) and for aunty sue, God show the little gal is playing with toys.. when she debrieft and share, she just broke down.. lotsa excitement and fire after the seminar as our church is brethen denomination (opps, i noe this is a sensitive issue). just really glad to c my church direction.. n for some, it may not be powerful, but for us, it is the path we are walking as slow as we are.. and i am blessed with the heart of the people of my church.... for me, i am humbled as i am to show ppl HIS beauty, a prophesy close to my heart.. and bringing hope to the broken and destitute.. and amazing hw fast and true God show me about this in the party (again, details are withhold for some reason, u can try asking me in my contact number) ... nt just dat, recently God have been bringing ppl dat need consultation on stuff (nt dat i m gud at counselling) .. i can see the season i m in nw in a sense, ready to bring God love but still with HIS 'lovely' healing (lovely coz my room will be flooded by tears, eyes as big as pumpkin the next day jk jk )

and i will restrain myself from typing certain 'ear or eyes catching' news a.k.a drama (i will call it gossip and dat means i won't b talking bout it without reason, n only restricted to the group involved, its private, personal and confidencial) in mine or in the certain circle of my frens life.. lol.. this wan, if u feel fish to noe, call my frens, if u happen to noe who to contact.. =p oh n thx for the sincere concern n support shown.. err, i have no idea y i sound like something serious happen, dun worry its nt life threatening, just dat this do not need any publicity..

p.s and today is actually michelle goh birthday.. haha.. hope she like the cup cake eventough she can c some alphabets on it, due to the 'perfect' way of me taking it.. n i did try my best to maintain the balance of the cupcake while in my hand alrite.. =p May u r blessed with this little efforts of mine.. (if u read my blog haha)
and i can't wait to watch mamma mia with her n etc..


and i m also really glad dat mun yee is blessed on her 19th birthday.. n wen she come bck.. our plan can come true.. m y, i m waiting... haha