The beauty path

All this time, i admit that i did not let people truly know me yet i crave to formed a deep meaningful relationship .i am also stuck in past friendship.i also doubt myself alot and only finding worth in what i do instead of who i am. i am not satisfied for the current state i am in, lost in finding motivation or passion in lifei am easily affected by things as well, having being vulnerable yet going by my own strength. 
One thing is, amazing things happened when you trust God and be still. when you realized it is ok to be vulnerable and let God dwell in your heart by making a commitment to be reminded to live in HIS victory. Let HIS joy be your strength and not let circumstances dictate your mind.. Father, may you plant Your dream and will into my heart. May i bring Your beauty (not my vainess) to the world. Guide me so that i don't continue to blur the line between enjoying dressing up yet with substance and plain self love.I pray that i will continue to enjoy YOUR presence. 


Blessed are You oh Lord!  Psalm 139:14I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)


One thing, have you felt:

Not enough? 
too much ?
not pretty enough? 
too much make up?
not secure?
 too vain?
 or that beauty is dangerous?
not good enough in things/intimidated ?
or strive too hard in order to feel beautiful?

I have watched and subscribed to numerous beauty gurus.followed tons of beauty blogs.
I have also used instagram and took lotsa pics,spending hours to dressed up and make up,used pose application, followed beauty group,tried hard to do whatever it takes to feel beautiful. 
Oh dear, what else more with the endless effort to cling on 'beauty'?   
What am i filling myself with? 

Somehow watching youtube on beauty related topic throw me down to a time where i feel intimidated or worst repulsed by my physical appearance. Most of the time, i find myself either overwhelmed/jealous with the beauty of the ladies and all the regimen they follow. Somehow i came to a point to mentally agreeing that without make up i am ugly. Recently, somehow when the night came upon, i can't stop thinking about why would anyone like or love a person like me. from the way i look to everything else about me.  

Lord have mercy on me! By God grace, He slowly pick me up from where i fall. He still is
Praise God
The journey goes on

Made to be Beautiful

I am constantly reminded by the many lies we actually believed and get drowned in especially on self perception  


If there is one thing i am passionate about is to not just convince myself to believe that God have created me to be beautiful (regardless of how i look, take joy in God beauty and be comfortable about who i am,) but ultimately to spread out this message that all are created beautifully in God image.. 


Part of the reason to do clothes business is also to bring upon beauty to other girls and see where God leads me in this ministry ..            
May God victory flow towards HIS princesses especially in this world full of conflicting views on what are considered to be beautiful, leaving most girls suffered from low self esteem, depression and more. It could also consist of striving to achieve the flawless standards of beauty and an obsession to fix yourselves with make up or enduring surgery.  


ps. i pray that one day the struggle to believe in the beauty that God have bestowed upon me will lessen, and i won't always have battle about my appearance.  =)

working = passion?

I hope that by the time i am suppose to work i am able to find out in depth about what Lord have in plan for me .. that i will be able to pursue passion in life with Gods' will and guidance.

Just wanna do a work that i will at least be enthusiastic and passionate in =)

well, we will see where this will lead eventhough i am kinda worried   

retail retail

i am not sure when it dawn to me (especially most ladies) that the world notices you when you start beautify your appearance.

Then you start to put more and more emphasis on your looks instead of characters as you realize this is how you gain attention or praise
(to be fair, who doesnt like to be seen as beautiful).
Sadly, sooner or later, you will find that it feels meaningless and empty.
you will just be obssessed with finding new ways to be more desirable on appearances
(buying more make ups and clothes for example) and you wont feel contempted with what you owns.      

it is not wrong to beautify yourself or playing dress up, but be careful to not let it control you

i admit i am always tempted to buy and buy in order to feel beautiful and satisfied.
it feels hollow or guilty instead of joy. Frustration follows
     
the problem is eventhough i promised not to buy again, because i rely on my own strength, the promise easily broken.
i will still walk in to shops and have thousands of excuses
(for eg the feeling of how much i like the dress is stronger than promise) to buy
or i will suddenly crave or 'need' for certain stuffs and followed by ravanderous search for it.
This often lead to furstration (in the process of finding) or ignoring ppl in order to buy the stuffs.      

Only Lord can mend this issue as HE gently remind me of what is my priorities and that I am made beautiful in HIM  

Retail therapy may not be sinful and even harmless but it will affect your relationship with God and finance.
It is like a little subtle way of robbing your focus on God.
Ask this, whenever you are upset or feels not good, instead of turning to God, you choose retail therapy, do you think it shows lack of trust to Him?
just like in a relationship, you choose to rely on other ppl or sources instead of confiding to each other.  
Same goes to other harmless little habits, such as overeating or forcing yourself to vommit or turning to movies for emotional release instead of God.  
I am also still in the process of putting God first and this requires denying myself.
I have to ask God to give me the courage to die to myself so that HE can live stronger in me.
I am not perfect, so i am still walking this journey, i may sometimes lose to my own sinful nature and temptation.
Temper may flared and so on, but i am at least assured that i can go back
(willingness and awareness of the need to repent)to God and seek help                


PS i still like to be beautiful and shop but after i wrote this as my reminder, it is getting better. =)

If only

O Father, if only love is so easily accessible
If only joy and peace are freely available like the air we breathe

if only life are more simple
if only there is manual available for life or mentor available 24/7
If only the craving, feelings and issues will not be so strong at the middle of night  
If only i were showed how to do things properly  
if only my heart will not be so easily intimidated and crushed
if only life weren't so tangled up with sins ..

If only i can easily trust in YOU to be there 24/7
If only i could die to myself and be alive in YOU
If only i know more about Your faithfulness and Love

Teach me beautiful Father at this time      

soul surfer

http://www.the33tv.com/news/kdaf-soul-surfer-story,0,4376018.story


Bethany hamiliton

She and nick vujici make me realize again that physical disability is not as scary as a heart that is filled with words such as you can't do it ..


Be inspired and rise up

=)

I pray that from today onward i will be reminded to continuously surrender to God all the things i intended to put my hand upon.

I will live in a victorious mindset

I will not be bothered with the amount of people that is blessed by my blog for its God business. God gave me the nudging to write on this blog,so HE will take control of this blog.
 

Life can't be any better than this! Nick

will really try to translate to english! =)
Inspiring

End of year two

Today it is officially end of my year two .. time flies!

in about two months time, i will be a year three student..

I praise God for this period of time..

yes,today was ended with downpour of rain and thunder in the evening, perhaps telling us YOU are all powerful and is performing cleansing to Malaysia..

I am considering some part time jobs too..any suggestion?

For my classmates, have a good holidays!

For the Muslims, have a good time in celebrating     


Lastly,come visit taylors for bazaars! http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=130030510423715

How to know the one you married is God given?

So, how do you know your partner is God given? By counting both of your birth dates, pray at temples or check astronomy if you are non christian? if you are christian, how do you know you listen correctly to what God say about your partner?  

One of the marriage counselor/ pastor say that it is up to you to count your birth dates or any other methods. But it is dangerous, if the result of counting is bad, then when your marriage have problem, u will just use that as an excuse to communicate and also change yourself. You wont want to grow and learn in the marriage, you keep remembering the result and blame it. You will also keep spending money but wont sit down and look at the real problem.  

Furthermore, he mention this belief especially common for chinese, which is to think that we owe each other from last life, that’s why we are paying back this life. This belief applies to their children as well as spouses. With this mentality, it is not helpful for relationship, you will just settle like that and won’t work on it further.  This will affect the way you look at your family, it will be different if u look at your children like the bible mentioned, a  blessing instead of a form of owing from last life.

The host asked about what the pastor thinks of divorce if the marriage really face problem. The pastor the answer by making an illustration, for those who have children, your children is always yours, neither you nor your children have a choice about it, you are always related. It is the same with marriage and only by looking at it this way you are willing to work on it. There is no need to be too particular on sign from God, its good to have but more importantly is, once u choose, there is no such thing as wrong bone (Adam and Eve), it’s yours already. Divorce is a choice, but it is a form of running away instead of courageously working on it. Even if you divorce, its no point, your next marriage will have the same problem as you still bring the baggage along.   

The pastor wife also pointed out that couple should do a pre marriage guide. it is a realistic way to point out expectation on marriage from both and the differences of both. With the guide, couples are able to discuss issues about finance, life after marriage and others issue related. This will further help them to understand each other in marriage and work on it.     

Good TV channel

Been really inspired by this particular channel and their talk show topics.. hope you all will check it out and watch it.. i hereby trying to write out some main points from two talk show topics from this channel.. hopefully i will keep up the consistency of translating the talk show (especially the main points and important wisdom) so that more people can understand it as it is in chinese..

FIY, its a talk show hosted by a married couple, check out the FB link for more details =)

http://www.facebook.com/happinesscoming?sk=info

Topic is about how nowadays young ppl look at sex love and marriage. The discussion here involved on the effectiveness on sex education in school plus sex information (including porn) availability in society today and the consequences. There are other discussion including the effects of sex before marriage, parents role on educating children about sex and can sex be 

separated with love. 

They invited two expert and four UNI students as guests to discuss about this topic.

Some of the good insight from the lady expert will be  :

• one, the only fuction of sex on a biology side is only one, to give life, it is to create life in a loving relationship. So in looking at young ppl and sex,she will lead them to base on physical and heart maturity (most of the time your physical matured first before your heart, you have to let both gain same level then only you are ready for the responsibility of sex)
• 
  
  Since she is familiar with how children function, 
  • lead them to monitor their parent relationship (how intimate are they and how they solve conflicts),so when they grow up, they will envision how they want their future family to be, what environment they want their children to live in. With this long term thinking build, they will keep themselves pure so that they will be able to let their children grow up in a clean, loving and committed family. Children are affected by family environment and sowing the seeds of right and long term thinking start young (especially when it will bring impact to their future life). With this long term thinking, when the children reach puberty, they will then have good judgement even when material such as porn came, they can handle it correctly. You cant stop all d materials
    • but let them be educated to have a clear idea about what sex leads to.

If your kids have good judgement ability, then they can conquer their own behavior or feelings. She say this concept she also teaches her own daughter when she is 12 years old. One day the grandpa came to visit and went to fetch her, he is happy to fetch the granddaughter and want to hold her hand, but she is embarrassed in front of friends.

• When the mum (lady expert) heard from her dad  about it, she have a talk wit her daughter at night. She started saying that she understand her daughter embarrassment, and she added that  wen the daughter grow older, if the parent go n hold her hand she will also be embarrassed. But grandpa just came for visit and very happy to fetch her, so if she can understand grandpa feeling and conquer the embarrassed feeling, you are a winner. She added that its the same to apply with sex, when you see people or friends watching porn or simply having sex, its fun and popular, but if u can conquer the need to be the same with others, u are a conqueror.
  
  
  • She reminded that don't think its so easy to separate love and sex. For example in cohabitation or premarital sex, once you have sex,its hard to break it off, the entanglement is done. this is because when you have sex, there are certain feelings involved but no promise, most of the time will cost hurts. 
    • 
      

      
      

      Parents must be able to talk to kids about sex, if not children will be misguided by other information. She further shared that this parent
      

      • found son having porn magazines inn drawer. The mum was shocked and asked her what to do. She ask the mum to put the magazines back. She say kids at times feel weird to talk to parent about it. Its also wrong to invade the children privacy. So trust must be build by since young, by talking about sex issue with kids
      • so they will build immunity on it and able to talk to you about it. 
        
        
        • She continue to say that her own daughter is also  of puberty age. She will tell her saving sex for marriage is to protect your body and future. If  sex without commitment, you might lost the chance to pick a good mate and gain a long lasting relationship. With this way, kids will be able to think what is best for future. By just threatening, kids will not really understand and if they witness other people do it but nothing happen to them like what the parent may threaten, they will just do it. 
          
          
          She shared that this author saw his mum have sex with neighbor when he walk back from school last time. Even after 40 plus years,he still remember and when he write some poem, its haunting him
          • She say at that time, his mum never know this will happen, never consider that her son may witness. If u think of giving ur children a good family, you and your spouse will have this relationship of intimacy, sex and love. she say the height of in love feelings may fade, but the feelings of going through life together will be stronger. For all this to happen, you wont just think of fun at the moment. Young people often think that sex is fun and their right. 
            
            
             if you have light at your eyes, darkness will not blind u so easily.    
          
          
  
  
  Insight from the man expert in show :
  • 
    
    He shared that teacher sometimes also nt well educated about sex topics. They weren't educated much last time about it and in d teaching manual not much are provided. Teachers can't really discuss from own experience. The culture here are more conservative.
    
    
    • He also shared dat teenager esp r still young inside despite their body
    • den say, they ought to consider r they able to take the responsibility after sex, like driving too. He receive tis letter before he suppose to present a speech from this uni girl who need help. She naive and was from a village before she went to study. She met a boyfriend and he is working at 7-11, everytime work untill 11pm and then buy supper and go to her room. He always ask her for sex. Earlier, the uni girl mum told her only to have sex after marrying, and she agree too. But its  hard for her to say no for so many times, so she gave in to her boyfriend. In half a year, she went to abortion for two times.
      
      
      • The host of show then added that its  about respect, that the boyfriend should practice respect to the girlfriend.
    
    
    • He continue sharing that he and his wife do keep educating d daughter about sex eventough she is still young. one day, his wife ask the daughter what kind of guy she want to marry next time, she answer like dad. He say he is proud and happy to hear that. When he go for talk, a lot or most youngster do not want to be like their parents. Now, the relationship is very messy, divorce hurts children. They see bad models and that commitment can be easily broken. It will in turn affects their whole life too. He and his wife try to model a healthy relationship to their children and it have to be in whole package. He can't say he love his wife but have sex with other lady, it will hurts his family if he do so. Sex is not just yourself so easy,it will bound others too. 
    
    
    
    
    Sharing from students in show
    
    
    They hope dat last time in secondary school d teacher can teach them properly about sex and guy girl relationship..and also combine love and sex
    
    
    • One Uni student shared that she did this assignment on family and sex. She conducted a survey, and found out that most people think that sex with condom then its alright and safe. But after much research, she found out that none of contraceptive work are safe enough to prevent from pregnancy and sex related disease. When she present to her UNI classmates, they were shocked to find out about that information. She hope that they can be educated more about it. When u know that contraceptive methods are not that safe, u will definitely think twice before you want to simply have sex. 
    

     

thoughts

I was just having this statement made by several authors of books, that people are bonded  by experiences in life and it is one of the foundation that help couple to stay together aside from God  ..
Let see how i can put it together.

For example,couple share life ups and downs together, they stay together through things as simple as enjoying meals and talking about things together for years. if by chance, both of you like to travel, then the experiences of travelling together will help you to stick together.
I understand the point that alot of time people simply grow out of love or face obstacles in their relationship despite having experiencing the love previously. Probably its the same case that even if you know God is good and have indeed shown you He is, you as a human still doubt especially when life is hard.

For me, as random as it is,to ponder about, wouldn't it be really hard to part with people if you have been sharing life for years. the thoughts of it bring such pain to me...            

Wasted Foods Issue

http://wildsingaporenews.blogspot.com/2010/05/food-waste-in-malaysia.html

I have the urge to write about this issue, after seeing yet another scene of foods wasted. In fact, it has become so common to us Malaysian.
I can only provide some solutions and hopefully it helps. There is no point for me to just voice my anger over this. i admit i cannot bear with it due to my upbringing but it is not right nor helpful to just put my anger on this.
I am not suppose to judge before i understand the whole situation if it is applicable.

Solutions
1. I strongly exhort parents to educate their children to understand their hunger and order what you need only. also, the concept of taking away your unfinished foods is wise and need to be cultivated.

2. While eating out, if you are unsure about the portion of your food, ask or request a smaller portion (ask also for discount if you request a small portion =p). Another way is to make your eating partner finish it for you or order a large portion and just share.    

3. Restaurants can also adopt this tactic to help this issue by giving customers choice of smaller portion at a lesser price if they are able to. It should be beneficial for both side..        

Days of Elijah

I am ashamed of myself in a lot of aspect

And due to this reason

I am very anxious about what the future holds for me.

I am also very doubtful about my own ability even before I want to start any thing

Hence the shame and uselessness keep mocking me..

But, Lord, take Your Kingship over me and let Your victory reign

Ice cream and family =)

I remembered the time when i saw this dad eating ice cream with his toddler daughter. He just smile and watch her eat without doing anything else, for example, fidgeting with his phone or staring with other places looking impatient. You know he really enjoy the time spend with his daughter.. A representation of God as Father..

oh, of course i enjoy spending time having ice cream with my parent. my family have a habit of storing ice cream to slowly indulge in it  =) Now thats the sweetness of life

love so sweet

I remembered the first time my heart ever felt the way before ,

it is just like spring, where flowers are blossoming

I feel so joyful and beautiful

something in me ring and feel so alive..

This is how i feel when i were praying and considering about going into a relationship with aaron tam, and God answered just TRUST ME for him.. which i believe have become the foundation of our relationship, our faith in God.

The feeling of spring or romance may be gone someday, but God is the ONE that is holding our commitment

I also remembered the first time i say yes to Jesus and the hunger / passion that consume me after my conversion. As naive or new as i am, I would do anything to serve HIM.

Along the road, i am fully aware that i may forget or lost the zeal of first love due to my own sinfulness, burdens in life and other factors. This is when God faithfulness comes in, reminding us to trust HIM no matter what. Because the truth is, alot of things in life is beyond our control and what better to do but to trust the ONE that knows (like a baby trusting the parent to provide) .

God Bless ya all !! =)

a story on VICTORY

Wide blue sea ahead of me…

It is suppose to be beautiful and refreshing,

As nature should be.

But all I know is that I am drowning…

And overwhelmed by the blueness …

As I am slowly eaten by the darkness of sea,

The feelings of suffocated and hollowness

became stronger as the time goes by.

Will I find the light again?

Will I gaze what is beautiful and alive to my soul ever?

Suddenly, there is a Voice whispering in the wind,

Saying, ‘’take heart and do not be discouraged!’’

My heart is thumping with a strange surge of power and warmth,

Thinking, could it be my Saviour who will finally rescue me from drowning ?

The gentle yet firm Voice continues on to say ,

‘’Live, for I came to give you Life eternally but you must first believe’’

I search for the Voice and then answered, ‘’Yes, I do believe!’’

At last, miracle and victory happened!

Books!

Recently i manage to get hold of a few books..

First collection is 3 books by Sheila walsh

God has a dream for you

and

Beautiful things happen when a women trust God

and Come As You Are: An Open Invitation From The Heart Of God

Second is 2 books by Dee Brestin and Kathy Trocolli

Falling in love with Jesus

The Colors of His Love

All the books are inspirational and honest with regards to our Christianity walk with our Father =) Enjoy

Verses

http://christianity.about.com/od/prayersverses/qt/inspirationalbv.htm Romans 8:38-39 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NLT) My personal favourite scripture!

Dreams

I believe everyone have dreams..

I believe that we have endless list of dreams

I believe alot of dreams are shattered along the way

and some were accomplished...

I believe we need to be reminded that God is higher than all our dreams and hope

I believe that in God timing and will, you will be empowered to fulfilled them,

I hope that our heart desire will not be buried as we go on what life bring us;

that we are able to be free and adventures in life and our walk with God

I truly believe that our heart always crave for more in life and there is this nudging that there got to be more life than this (for we are created so)

Yes, lets dream on and surrender it to God

Check out Jason Upton

Powerful Testimony! Jason Upton is who he is today because of his mum prayer..

God will never forsake you once you belong to HIM
Check out his worship!

This song is a reminder to surrender everything to God for HE know better and have the best plan.

We need to come back to the heart of God about true compassion for people. I have seen fair amount of leaders and people in my church displaying what it means to be truly compassionate; it is only by being in tune to God's heart for HIS people. (for example, leaders or people crying for Japan earthquake victim and other under privileged people)

For me, many of time, i am ashamed of myself for allowing barriers and judgmental attitude to come in my heart. Thankfully, it is a battle only God can win, it won't work by me working hard or fighting the barriers or attitude. It is a battle that is bound to lose by human efforts and only by allowing God in, transformation can be done.

Check out his other worship songs too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ad3bMvRyT9U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIYsNZFAlFw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrXhXVNACMw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HjM-ZKWDVc

Beth Moore

http://blog.lproof.org/



Visit Beth Moore blog

Get her books and Believing God dvds!

She is powerful and inspiring women in God!

Love & Distance (a love story) =)

Shall continue blogging about my long distance relationship with aaron tam =)

Do bear with my sudden flow of updates haha

I won't make this long..

The formula is foundation in God
Lots of communication
trust
and of course
commitment to not give up no matter how tough it is

I am thankful to our lead pastor in church , telling us that we should discuss the best way to communicate for us, what work the best for each of us and etc.. it is essential in maintaining a long distance relationship

I thank God that HE sustain us through it, and most importantly, HE is the ONE that is writing our story since the beginning. HE planted the seed of flower and let it blossom. Aaron and me are best friends that know each other for some time before we are in a relationship, which is crucial as this give us time to know each other well before the decision to commit. most importantly, we know the flaws yet see God in it.. i have to admit we bring along emotional baggages and differences into our relationship but God is the central and reason we stay on.

I am hoping our relationship will glorify the Lord and bring testimony. I hope that we can mirror God's love and faithfulness to others as flawed as we are.
There is certainly more learning to come.

Pray for us yah! We need it!

God bless

I AM BACK =PPP

Wohoo!! I AM BACK

Yes,it's been ages i blog
The reason i am back is purely the leading of inspiration to write or share..

so here we go...

what inspire u? or rather who inspire u?

Will it be songs? will it be some celebrities? or will it be your friends? or will it be your partner? or will it be your parents, or older people?

What bring joy and satisfaction into your heart?
(i am talking about those moments of joy that u wish it will stop right there-not just normal happiness)


For me, inspiration comes with good conversation, God-lead sermons, worships and moments when your heart is still and fresh to listen to the soft nudging of God. Those moments make me wish that i am in heaven badly (not a suicidal thought but the feeling to belong in a place where everything is perfect, joyful and beautiful)

It wouldn't be fair to leave out inspiration from my parent. Though the realization may be slightly late (better than never), my parent is a part of who i am. I am definitely proud of how hard they worked and provide for us in all way. I also know there is improvement needed in our communication just as all the other relationships needed. For we do not know how to love perfectly and only God does. Our love does not sustain, but God does.

Of course, God is the biggest inspiration in my life. I am inspired by God and i pray that i am alwiz in tune to Him.


One thing for us, new experience or things always bring temporary happiness to us and it's true to me. we are somehow build to anticipate new and adventures in life. Routine may kill our soul slowly, but having say that, adventures alone is not the solution to a life with joy.
I have come to learn that no travelling or experp iences truly bring joy and rest to me. And the best part is, joy comes with commitment and sometimes pain. Let see what i meant..
Joy is not feeling, it is a commitment to walk with God and trusting Him to make it through.
Well, life ain't rosy all the time. Joy comes with suffering and the unending wait for a glimpse of victory. Let see if i can illustrate this with a personal example :

I admit i am spoilt and impatient, period. Let just say i have tendency to shun or run away when things get hard, unwilling to face it. I were forced to withdraw from my previous Uni due to my own failure and after that, things get downwards. It was the time to search and identify my future and boy it was not easy. I lack the maturity and strength to shield myself from the stress of a call center job, therefore i run. then i got started with some stuff and run. Then God begin to slowly teach me how to endure and wait upon Him for my future. on my last employment, i did not like it and there wasn't any future in this job, and i were desperate to be continue my study. If it wasn't for the reminder that i needed to finish this season and wait upon God, i would have run AGAIN. The season finish with a sweet victory. one saturday after church (i prayed again for an answer regarding my study), my dad came to fetch me (it's not often he have time to do so) and out of no where he talked to me about my degree and where do i want to continue it. i have been checking alot of options without my parent knowing and i feel at peace with UCTI, so of course i mentioned UCTI. It is an answer to my long awaited prayer when dad agreed to enroll me in the UNI and mum agree to it too.. Can u imagine how victorious my heart feel at that time? It is really a time where God is teaching and shaping my personality.. To know the joy of waiting and trusting HIM. It is also time to rely on God more as the beloved BF is studying in overseas at that particular time. (ps, and we survived the long distance ordeal which i will blog another time)

Check out this Jason Upton, I will wait

Lastly, God bless! Stay tuned to God!

its been ages

ok...... woooo.. its been long since i blog.. been real bz.. handling my uni, starting on9 business and finding job.. didnt noe it could be such a roller coaster journey.. yes, i got exclude from murdoch till august.. and i thx God for the strength at dat time.. Thx God for aarom dear for supporting n praying for me at dat time.. he is my intercessor by den... well, i am preparing to launch our (me n mich) new 2 blog for business (selling clothes and crafts).. will update soon.. hopefully launch on 5 of april.. =) support me yah gurls..

Praise God, and i m still amazed by HIM.. thx for the prayer of all (at, n church), bcoz even at tis challenging time, i manage to get alot of job option mostly part time (after much search), bt the initial result is customer service consultant in salesforce, jetstar airline located in jaya 33.. after 5 hours of interview with a few stages, i m got the job! so if the medical check up clear, next mon me will start working.. nw pray for me to enjoy the job.. psst, its gud pay =).. i m glad dat my parent r veri happy n relieved for me ..

of course.. i loveeeeeee my precious dear more n more ..

may God continue to light my path.. i cann't describe how much God is present and working in me all this while, bt i can testify HE is gud all the time.

new yearrrrrrrr

whoooooooooooooo.. new year.. 2009.. time really flies..

i praise God for last year.. for the joy, sorrow and most importantly victory of 08! I am glad to live by the beautiful HOPE which is Jesus..


i will say the most significant or most talked happening /blessing last year (dec) is i say yes to aaron tam.. yes, i ended my singleness lol.. well, its indeed interesting new journey.. we are now 1 month plus.. i can only say, i am indeed blessed with a man that is willing to be my hero (err, punching bag too ._____.) honestly, i alwiz say, dun go in relationship if u r nt happy single and carrying ur baggage (esp loneliness).. nw i noe hw true tis is.. well, i am enjoying singleness before i started with him.. little do i noe, sometimes, ur heart condition cheat u.. or wen u have someone to rely on, its difference, stuff may futher surface.. or sometimes assault come, dats whr he is my punching bag,as i cannot explain it and just use him to punch out wat is indescribable to me.. i can only say i am trying my best nt to do dat.. hope i am correct in this, sometimes in relationship, it work in a way whr thr is another person to pray that God carry ur burden, nt him.. psssssst..the first day we r official,i adi warn him, everytime, my heart is assaulted, and threaten to 'punch' him, pray.. and it works.. haha,and i didnt really want to tell him it works, bt i guess he noe.. lastly, i noe we may fight alot, bt we r sure God place our destiny together.. especially,nw dat we r going to serve in 2 ministry.. i can't wait for this journey.. May God be the center


and nw we noe the meaning of lovey dovey =p
thx for fighting for me and telling me i am worth it..

Blessed

i dedicate this post to thank all of my frens for blessing me tremendously on my birthday.. thanks for giving me the best surprise.. and all the presents.. its overwhelming.. and yes, mich ..u r capable of surprising me..thanks for the video and hiding anna for one week (n somemore can say gud dat she didnt come bck)n making me scream the whole staff room..lol.. n lying bout picking up the jelly cake.. n i luv the books u got me n a really long letter u wrote of ur wisdom hehe.. n sharing ur 'wisdom' on recession n helping each other to stop buying wen shopping lol..thx

oh, n anna,for surprising me with ur homecoming , definatly paying more to change ur air ticket date.. i appreciate dat gal.. n i definately dun depend on u for ur car laaaaaa.. lol.. nw dat u dun have anyway lol.. i shift to ur bro.. jk jk.. i luv u nt ur car laaa.. i m way better den dat.. of cos, thanks for ur effort to walk around with me to get me present (wen i don't feel like buying stuff haha)n the beautiful necklace

mun yee for dropping a word or two on the video mich made.. n calling me till 3 am her time.. =) n listening to my emo 21st speech lol.. n of coz, her earliest birthday present i got.. n more wen she come bck? lol.. can't wait for u to come bck..nyeh nyeh.. n fullfill all the plans we have..

aaron tam for keeping up wit my presents demanding session.. loads of hinting n obvious demand wat to get me.. lol. thanks for getting me all the things i wan.. n making a list somemore for me to tick lol.. n of cos.. thanks for all the other ppl who pay for wat i tick down..

my gg in church. for the cake, celebration of all oct babies.. n study bible as my present.. yoke kheng n the rest for the swenson dinner.. aunty chooi kuan for the nice bath liquid

miss angeline for devotional book.. =) n for paying at the wong kok for oct babies

karen for the cute cup.. jason and wan si for making my name on a bracelet..

birthday post (thxgiving and emoness haha)

yup, my 21st birthday is coming soon in 2 days.. n i adi receive some presents.. thanks ppl! the rest of the presents i adi noe the content, yes, i do noe..haha.. and some human complain i will have alot celebration lol.. they r just jealous dat i m loved by lots, thr u go hahaha (smilling with pride).. (this is for chaco and dan sim) anyway, u noe wat, the greatest gifts i will get is mun yee coming bck soon d and michelle goh may go bali with my family and i may go phuket with her and her family.. and i missed anna .. the sleeping partner who go through shops and search for my present and wishing me so early in her blog.. and the 'best' part is, she won't b coming bck in christmas..

fiy, and my life is very interesting recently.. i can't begin to describe how interesting it can be..

warning, contains emo writing that may be hazardous to health.. read it if u don't mind. be careful
let me get this straight, i am afraid to get to 21st.. thinking about it make me emo.. i just wan to run away on my birthday to somewhr.. the question in my mind, is hw much have i accomplish? all my dreams and hope, did i take the risk to accomplish anything? when will i finally drive properly like an adult? am i matured or fit to be 21? i said i vow not to regret anything that happened because i learn from it.. so, did i ponder and learn enuff? i have so many dreams and hope, when will the time come for them to come true? of course i am glad to know that my identity is not based on my dreams and hope.. most importantly, do i know God enuff? this term or year, is very interesting, God have surfaced so many of my issue, and nw i am asking, wat is next? is thr more healing or am i suppose to wait on HIM? i guess both, and hw? esp when listening to beth moore, believing God, it challenge me so much.. it convict me last sun .. what do i fear most? even as praying, my eyes are red, that i used to belive that i am uncapable, failure.. and lonely... mayb nw i still hold dat lies.. dats y i wanna run away on my birthday and just go to beach or travel (i wan to travel but thr is no chance yet, alwiz think i can't take care of myself and of course finance) .. so many times, i try to prove myself to be trustworthy and respectable, but failed to fullfill by it.. and den, as bth moore say, the enemy confirm u by saying, c, u r not worthy and nt capable, u have failed.. btw, as PS. Serena encourage us, it just stirred me again, dat we must find around 3 days alone with God.. jason mae did it and finished the bible.. nw i m praying for a time with HIM..



p.s opps, this is a really emo post.. told u its hazardous and b careful lol..
and i found out, mich and chaco also ask the same question i do..lol.. guess we all are bund to the same social expectation and structure.. honestly, i hate it
clinging on to the HOPE that bring life to my heart again and again

sex sells and the reality of globalisation

yup, sex sells.. that is what my tv and video culture lecturer said the first time he lectured us.. it just bang me so hard.. i m actually wondering did i choose the right course? and i know most of the hollywood movies, nwadays such as don't mess with Zohan, knocked up, good luck chuck, sex in the city, gossip girl.. yes, i do watch them (call me hypocyrite) but don't worry, i watch it in protection of my mind and fully understand the degrading part of it.. the extreme emptiness and nausea will fill me when watching this type of show.. please, sex is something personal and intimate, leave it to the bedroom only... don't need to show it on the screen, good enough internet and pirated stuff is full fo porn.. all these are blooming to a industry definately. its perverted and sad.. corrupting minds and sow seeds of lie into minds.. its like human r only created for the pleasure of sex a.k.a love machine.. come on, we r worth more den dat.. n the worse part is in movie, love happen so fast, like in a few days, n they will have sex, n tada, the new generation instant noodle type of love... aside from prostitution (ur bodies get money out of the service from it), this is another form of degrading.. oh and not forgetting, those girls in car magazine or some car show etc.. its ewwww, what are they posing thr, if u wanna buy or view car, y do u need a girl to stand thr n pose.. a machine to persuade u to buy the car.. or a package dat come together for the pleasure of eyes.. yea, such attraction of a pretty face n sexy body

in my personal opinion, sex is the highest intimacy with a person u can enjoy.. nw, let dat sink in, its a commitment too as intimacy required dat.. like love,it's not suppose to come easy. the word love and sex come with responsibility and commitment, emphasize once again.. (u can nod ur head and oooooo dats y xiying nvr get commited in it)

love love love.. u won't even wan me to start.. its just pathetic.. a loneliness get away.. all those bull shit (pardon my language) for eg, because u appear in my life, i am whole and satisfied, u r the cure to my loneliness.. plz la, it nvr work dat way.. i nvr ever find true wholeness and satisfaction in guys, they r nvr cure to my fallen and broken heart.. in fact, the more u crave for them to b the cure to ur lonelines, the more u need it, like u dig the hole n fall inside, digging more..n its harder to come out once u fall (hallujah, Jesus crucified to b the Hero to pull u out of dat pitt of love or sex addiction) ..so my principle, nvr ever get in a relationship out of loneliness and check if u r ready for it.. n one lesson from a big 'bro' , if u r happy single, den u r ready.. n certain touching can definately arrouse emotion (we are programmmed in our DNA to enjoy dat). finally like what jason mae journal mentioned, in his fren teaching.. it is good to out in alliance our emotion with God leading..we are emotion being and its beautiful but we must keep check of it..i may sound like 'preachng' but its my own experience of defeat to emotion and the continous victory of Jesus.. psst, even as i type this, i am weeping of my pitfall of emotion..along with the very lie i believe which is using my own strength to guard my vulnerable or insecure heart instead of trusting God to guard it(this is from debbie blog, an old fren from a few years back combined church camp.. i am like whoa, dat hit me literally, i did dat too as the realization come)

marriage nwadays is another issue, the dissatifaction out of it, divorce and abuse..the children who have to face the harsh effect of divorce, and the etc effect after they grow up..


and this fren, wrote "who can sit still watching as the world degrades everything that God gives to us. We degrade sex (into an industry), marriage (into a hindrance and legal leeway(sp?)), love (into something only people who visit whore houses are led to believe), bodies (into machines of forceful attraction) and so on. "
i totally agree and inspired by it..




globalisation is another issue dear to my heart.. it is one of my subject.. my lecturer let us watch a video regarding globalisation.. one video that stirred me up is the secret filming of companies such as GAP, NIKE, REABOK, MacDonald and more western corporations.. the workers of the corporations were mostly from cambodia and indonesia, so when film, the workers were interviewed and their lifestyle are documented.. its just sad when u know that the ethics for labour from the countries are not make known to them, they are free to be exploited as the government can't do anything about it, due to the system.. the labour work, 36 hours, standing and only receive minimum wages.. they barely survive.. and they get poorer by each day.. n the best part is, unisonly people like us belive thr is ntg much to be done, we can't are much about it because it is everywhere.. u have to learn to live with it.. i noe its ridiculous, but if God lead, i may go for mission, since God have planted seed of compassion into my heart for ppl who suffer unjustice.. so again u can't help but weep wen u c the condition esp if u wake up feeling like a 'princess' and nw u realise ppl wake up feeling unworthy, exhausted and hopeless, n wat a 'big' fren said come to me, we r very pampered generation..i noe i noe, i m melancholy lol..








just a ranting from me.. signing out ppl..


luv... xy





p.s visit http://jaesonma.com/2008/10/call-response.html

this call + response is a documentary film, made timely to fight human slavery: sex slavery, labor slavery, child soldiers and child slavery.. even as i talk about gobalisation, God guide me the way to pray for the spiritual realm to move and freedom to come.. we are not fighting the corporation, but the stronghold on the slavery.. n nw, even as jason mae blog came out with this, let us try to take action and be aware of the issues...www.callandresponse.com .. this film is launching nationally on 10th of oct.. plz support

for updating purpose

from the title it sound lame lol.. i mean like hw many times i use similar title before..

anyway, i know my hiatus have been long .. but then, haha, i just don't find the need to blog.. hmm..
life have been life.. pretty interesting.. n alwiz fail to actually study.. sadness..

have a blast in my recent hari raya, with tea party and BBQ.. pics in facebook .. =) even the tea party and bbq have been a veri personal and interesting testimony to me (if u r really interested to know, dial my number =) ).. n it have sure bring blessing to me and hopefully others.. i can only say i am once again surprise and humbled by God way of moving even through this party..
n i nvr in my life i have tea party lol
and thx for the wong kok lunch too.. and thx for a bracelet with my name and the lovely card =) i am blessed early along with others.. but, i am still waiting for the real date of my birthday hint hint..

errrr, here come the 'melancholy me', if given a choice, i wanna go to beach, all alone, with no connection and just spend time with God.. and after the ministering of the holy spirit seminar in my church, PS. Serena reminded dat it is essential to spend 2 or 3 days completely alone with God.. dat stirred me up.. a new desire to just back pack and travel alone with only God is my desire, and if God wan it, HE will grant me the opportunity.. fiy, mich adi got me travelling Christian book lol thxkie..
oh ya, the seminar is another cool part and pieces of my journey.. learning to just trust in God even as the insecurity and intimidation surface while training to prophesies.. the fears of past mistake due to immaturity of prophesying resurface, but as i choose to persevere instead of following my feeling to run away, God honor me by giving me victory over it.. and of cos, the loving and encouraging environment condition is really a blessing.. and what i have receive from God is truly a blessing... i can't forget when aunty christine cried when aunty sue and me share about the baby in her stomach.. and God show her through us how much HE know the baby.. for me, showing me the gender (they noe its a gal but i dun, till God show me) and for aunty sue, God show the little gal is playing with toys.. when she debrieft and share, she just broke down.. lotsa excitement and fire after the seminar as our church is brethen denomination (opps, i noe this is a sensitive issue). just really glad to c my church direction.. n for some, it may not be powerful, but for us, it is the path we are walking as slow as we are.. and i am blessed with the heart of the people of my church.... for me, i am humbled as i am to show ppl HIS beauty, a prophesy close to my heart.. and bringing hope to the broken and destitute.. and amazing hw fast and true God show me about this in the party (again, details are withhold for some reason, u can try asking me in my contact number) ... nt just dat, recently God have been bringing ppl dat need consultation on stuff (nt dat i m gud at counselling) .. i can see the season i m in nw in a sense, ready to bring God love but still with HIS 'lovely' healing (lovely coz my room will be flooded by tears, eyes as big as pumpkin the next day jk jk )

and i will restrain myself from typing certain 'ear or eyes catching' news a.k.a drama (i will call it gossip and dat means i won't b talking bout it without reason, n only restricted to the group involved, its private, personal and confidencial) in mine or in the certain circle of my frens life.. lol.. this wan, if u feel fish to noe, call my frens, if u happen to noe who to contact.. =p oh n thx for the sincere concern n support shown.. err, i have no idea y i sound like something serious happen, dun worry its nt life threatening, just dat this do not need any publicity..

p.s and today is actually michelle goh birthday.. haha.. hope she like the cup cake eventough she can c some alphabets on it, due to the 'perfect' way of me taking it.. n i did try my best to maintain the balance of the cupcake while in my hand alrite.. =p May u r blessed with this little efforts of mine.. (if u read my blog haha)
and i can't wait to watch mamma mia with her n etc..


and i m also really glad dat mun yee is blessed on her 19th birthday.. n wen she come bck.. our plan can come true.. m y, i m waiting... haha